Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ah ha! Ah ha ha ha!

Aha haha hahahahaha!

Ha haha ha ha ha! Ahaha hahaha ahaha!

Hahaha? Ahahaha!? Ahaha ha ha aha ha ha!


Saturday, November 24, 2007

Fun Facts from The World of Astronomy!

Blame Super Mario Galaxy for this. Running around the universe as a pudgy Italian... it just makes me want to share. All I have to give my loyal readers (all none of you) is trivia... FROM SPACE...ACE...ace....

* Saturn would float if you placed it in water, but doing so would likely ruin the pool party.

* The Crab Nebula does not resemble either a crab nor pubic lice.

* Rotating the Earth opposite to its original direction would not cause time to reverse. It would instead fling everybody off of the planet into the cold, inhospitable void of space. YOU KILLED THEM, SUPERMAN, YOU KILLED THEM!

* If your momma took all the galaxies in the universe and ate them, she would be so fat she'd need a boomerang to put on her belt.

* The radiation from E.T's glowing finger rendered Elliot infertile.

* Yo momma so smelly yo daddy married her over the phone.

* If you multiplied regular love by the number of stars in the Milky Way Galaxy, you'd have roughly the equivalent of a pimp's love for his ho.

* Screaming "Khaaaaaan!" at random passerby will not earn you their respect.

* The events of 2001: A Space Odyssey actually happened.

* The Earth orbits around the Sun, in case this blog broadcasts back in time to 1340 A.D


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

If It's Sticky and Brown, You're in Dilemma Town


Being new to the world of "blogging", I am readily confused as to what exactly I should post here. I know "anything" would be the correct answer to that question, but anything is not really an answer. It's an infinite amount of answers, and infinity is useless.

Being another screeching tone in the white noise of the internet does not appeal to me, either. I'd love to review candy and Lego, but... it's been done. TO DEATH. BLEH.

All two of you reading this won't give a fiddly fudge about it, which is more than likely in your best interest, but now you're here and, as far as you know, there is no going back.

I'll leave you now with the words of my father;

"Give me the remote, you little dunce, or I'll beat you over the head with it."

So wise.


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Who is this man and why should I care?

I guess the purpose of every one of these so called "web logs" (commonly known as "wolgs") is to document something, be it political dissent in the Ukraine or one man's utter contempt for Elmer's Glue (or should that be... UDDER contempt?) Whatever the subject, whatever little facet of life someone has decided to dedicate a scant/reasonable/laughably pathetic amount of time to chronicling in painful detail... if you can think of a way to end that sentence, drop a comment, and maybe, God willing, that will actually happen.

I mean, I'm being very hopeful to believe that someone will drink enough Wild Turkey to stumble across this blog, give enough of a rat's tookus to spend eight seconds attempting to finish that sentence and have the motor skills to type it in the comment box. The fact that the (unlikely) result will be something about me being a "fagatini" is of little comfort.

Getting around to the point (?) I was making (!?), what's this blog about? The short answer is "nothing". The long answer is "not a thing". Like 99.999999999(huff)999% of blogs on the Internet, mine is about whatever I feel like writing about. It won't be earth-shaking, it won't be clever, it sure as skunk won't be relevant (God forbid). It'll just be a bunch of words placed in a certain order, with punctuation thrown in for good measure.

So if you've read this (you haven't) and if you're interested enough to come back (you aren't), be prepared for something... something... adjective-ey.