'Aint No Whales 'Round Here

Happy Birthday To Me!

2009-06-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

Once more around the sun for Ol' Cap'n Gibby.

Truth be told, I'm not that terribly excited. There are some Wiccan chicks doing a nude rain dance somewhere today.

Could be fun.

Anyways, I should get back to posting here regularly soon. Not because I have to, really, but it's something to do.

Yarr

Holy Shit.

2009-06-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

I'm back!

Why?

Yarr

Change

2009-01-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

All this talk of "change" that the mediascape has been regurgitating ad nauseam for the past half-year or so has really gotten to me to thinkin', and I know just how much you love it when I think too much before I post here. So here comes the vitriol.

Change is an easy thing to say. Change change change. I could do that all day.

But to ACTUALLY change is about the most difficult thing you can ask a human being to do. We hate it. It's scary. You lose things. What you knew for sure no longer applies.

I've been stagnant in my personal and school life for awhile now. I've tried to change. Talk to people. Listen to people. Get confidant. It's hard, though, to get over the doubts, the fear, the shyness, the old habits. Every day I've thought and talked about changing, and it hasn't done a bit of good, because I haven't DONE anything I've thought or talked about. I just don't have the will or the impaetus yet.

So to anyone and everyone: Stop flapping your lips about change and SHOW that you can.

That includes me.

Yarr.

2009? Really?

2009-01-04T08:13:00.001-08:00

It took long enough, but here's 2009 for you, a blank canvas laid bare for history to paint upon.

Something like that.

When you tally it all up, 2008 turned out to be a hell of a year. 2009 promises to continue that trend.

An old, horrifically cliched Chinese curse comes to mind: "May you live in interesting times."

Hmmmmmm....

Yarr

The Weather Outside is Goddamn Shitty

2008-12-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

Just in time for the end of exams, here comes the deep freeze that will paralyze your life and suck the soul right out of your body!

It's Christmas time in Manitoba, all right. Sorry for the lack of posts, school got a little nuts. Now I get to shelter in place for awhile and wait for the snow to melt so I can forage for berries once more. Of course, that'll be around May...

I hate this place. This post sucks.

That's minus forty windchills for you.

Yarr

We'll Sail 'Round The Porn!

2008-12-01T15:01:00.000-08:00

Thiiiiiiiiiiis is my favorite headline of the day. The article itself is a little patchy, besides some good puns (High Fructose Porn Syrup, anyone?).

Besides, the whole thing is old hat. Anyone paying even the slightest attention to their surroundings over the last decade knows that we are being bombarded with tits, ass and dongs in a manner befitting a good firebombing. We are living in the Tit Blitz.

It probably isn't a wholly good or bad thing. Sexuality is an important part of us, but there's a time and a place for it. You can look at a Playboy and say "Well, that's for grownups and the teenagers who find it in the can after the grownups are done with it, so it's not so bad." You can look at a Bratz doll, however, and say "Hmm, this is for kids? This might be over the line." That's about my position on it.

So that's porn for you.

Yarr

Go.

2008-11-27T14:34:00.000-08:00

Gotta get going. Gotta move.

Gotta move move move! You only have a little bit of time. Once it's gone, it's G O N E.

You know that, of course. But do you REALLY know it? What would it take to teach you?

This post is over. Just like that.

Yeah Yeah, I Get It

2008-11-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

That is, I get that I am a lazy blogger. All you imaginary readers with your imaginary hounding got through this thick skull of mine.

Good for you, hooray, and applause all around.

So what's new? Mid-terms are over, and I got through them pretty well despite being an all-around mediocre student.

My personal life remains stationary and solitary. I have my cat and these people who say they are my parents who wander in demanding that I take out the garbage, when really, it's THEIR garbage. The "parents" I mean, not the cat, though I do take out her garbage, too, and it is unpleasant.

I hope you enjoyed our little chat. I did.

Yarrr

Yes They Did!

2008-11-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

I might be eating this post tomorrow. But for now, it's a beautiful night, whether or not it changes anything besides the history books.

Good job, America!

An Unfinished Verse (On the Internet!)

2008-11-04T17:50:00.000-08:00

I have the music
But who has the ears?
Here is the elegy
But where are the tears?

Maybe it's not unfinished?

HALLO FUCKING WEEN

2008-10-31T15:46:00.000-07:00

Indeed!

The Captain Goes Back To School (And Doesn't Need To Watch James Bond Anymore)

2008-10-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

That about sums it up. The strike is over and I went back to school on Friday. It didn't seem to affect much other than pushing some deadlines around.

Now I don't have to watch all the Bond movies in order anymore. The thought of sitting through Live and Let Die again gave me the shakes. Fuck you, J.W Pepper!

Maybe I shouldn't make the post's name essentially the post.

Meh.

Yarr

The Captain Watches James Bond

2008-10-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

I am going to watch and review every James Bond movie, in order, and post little blurbs about them here.

Why? School is still on strike. For fuck's sake, right? My thoughts exactly.

Yarr

Kitty Watching

2008-10-02T11:57:00.001-07:00

The professors at my University are on strike at the moment, so I've had a bit of free time to follow my cat around and she what she does when she's alone.

No, the thought of studying instead had not occurred to me.

Anyways, it turns out the cat doesn't do anything that much different from what I do when I'm home alone all day. She walks around the rooms, looks at them, lays down for a bit, gets up, eats something, lays back down, stares outside, etc. The only difference is that the cat is unlikely to feel depressed about it.

Go figure. Here's hoping for a quick resolution for this strike, before I lose my mind.

Yarr

From The Makers Of "Hot-Foot"

2008-09-25T17:17:00.000-07:00

I am in this video, though I'm not telling you who I am. I CAN tell you that I wrote all of it, except the last joke, which is the best joke.

Hrrm.

Laugh In, here I come!

Low

2008-09-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

Low is my favourite album by probably my favourite artist. I'll leave it to you to find out how important it was to the music of the decades following its release, but everybody from NIN to Radiohead has some of Low in their genetics.

But who wants a musicology lesson? I'll just post the songs from YouTube so you can enjoy them. YouTube really sucks for audio quality, so if you can find it as a CD or high-quality BitTorrent, do that. The best experience would be on vinyl, of course. All of the old synths sound so much warmer and fuller on LP rather than digital. Good luck finding it, though, I'm certainly not selling my copy!

I'll probably post the whole "Berlin Trilogy" of albums here eventually, "Heroes" being next in line.

I'm going to overdo it describing the qualities of each song. I can't help it, I love it too much not to sound like a dork trying to tell you about it.

Low - Side One

2008-09-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

Side One contains seven very short, very condensed songs, and they are all brilliant. The opening and closing instrumentals are upbeat electronica disco and evocative sound adventure, respectively. The tracks in the middle pulse with emotional paranoia; "Breaking Glass" is a short and knife sharp ode to panic attacks , "What In The World" predicts "glitch" music twenty years beforehand, "Always Crashing In The Same Car" and "Be My Wife" are aching declarations of pain and longing.

And everything boogies. The backbeat on some of these songs dares you to keep your feet still. You just gotta groove with it.

Now that I've built it up to the point where you'll never like the album as much as I do, here are the songs:

Speed of Life

Breaking Glass

What In The World

Sound & Vision

Always Crashing In The Same Car (ignore the video for this one)

Be My Wife (the actual music video)

A New Career In A New Town

Low - Side Two

2008-09-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

Side Two contains the four "atmosphere" pieces. I highly suggest listening to them through some high quality headphones in the dark. Due to the shitty quality of YouTube audio, a lot of the detail and texture is washed out, so get on the BitTorrent.

I'd say the last one is my favorite. Dig that ascending bassline...

It kind of evokes the Blade Runner soundtrack a little bit, with the saxophone solo. Of course, this album came out about half a decade before Blade Runner, so maybe Vangelis had it on his mind...

The rest of the songs are also great, of course.

Warszawa

Art Decade

Weeping Wall

Subterraneans

Oh, Where Oh Where Have I Been?

2008-09-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

At school, silly!

I'm a terrible blogger, to be sure. Hold steady, readers! I'll be back before you know it!

There are no readers.

Yarrr

Thanks, Count

2008-08-26T12:31:00.001-07:00

This was everywhere a while ago. It's still awesome.

Give It To Me Frodo...

2008-08-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

Please Do Not Throw Chairs Into The Ring!

2008-08-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

Kitty!

2008-08-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

I have a cat.

Just in case you were wondering what kind of person I am. I am the kind that has a cat.

Hope that answers your questions.

Yarr

Wahhhhhhhugh!

2008-08-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

2008-08-14T10:56:00.001-07:00

No!

I'm A Rapper With A Baby

2008-08-13T14:36:00.000-07:00

Yes!

Hello, YouTube, Nice To Meet You

2008-08-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

Ouch!

And I have no news. For the curious, the last post (the "gravity" shit) was the love child of 4:00 AM and a hell of a fever. It looked a lot better handwritten than out on the internet, but I gotta put something here, right?

Right?

Yarr

(the video should be done processing later this afternoon. YouTube is mysterious this way. If there's nothing there, you're not crazy. It's the internet's fault.)

Deeply Afraid

2008-08-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

I am deeply afraid that my stone is not big enough to stir the pond, that when I sing my death rattle no one will hear, I will have dented no bumpers and left no smudges on the world's windows.

I'm talking about the Human world, of course, the little one we've built underneath the real one. The real one is a whole other bag of marbles, I can't even begin to pull the string on it. It would be sinfully egotistic of me to concern myself with how I affected it. How could I? I have gravity, I attract the Sun and it attracts me, but who notices? A few of the more sensitive atoms, maybe. Gravity is not a distinction in this company. I am also increasing the entropy of the universe, slowly unraveling it by breathing and eating and everything else I do, and so are you and the Sun and your car and the germs on your body. It's a law of thermodynamics and there's no criminal genius out there who can break it.

So in the face of all that, I'm not concerned with the larger Universe we woke up into. I can devote a windy paragraph to how much it doesn't care about us, and it doesn't scare me much. I don't live up there.

No, the scary thing is, I'm down here, with you, and now gravity matters. Can you feel mine?

Hey Hey, Get Down With The Sickness

2008-08-01T08:12:00.001-07:00

So I woke up feeling like someone had thrown a brick through my abdomen, after a night full of nightmares and fitful sleep.

The short story is, I feel like a turd in Hell.

BUT

I saw NIN! In Winnipeg! Or, dare I say...

NINipeg?

:D

Anyways, it was a pretty damn good concert. The light show, better described elsewhere, was fantastic and engaging, and the setlist, while sporting some clunkers (here's looking at you, Echoplex!) was solid (and engaging!)

The opening band, an outfit called Crystal Castles (think Yeah Yeah Yeah's with more synths and less excellence) played for a mercifully short thirty minutes. I think they ran out of songs. Not much to say about them past that. Their singer might have been a twelve year old girl.

So that's NIN for you. When I'm feeling better I'll probably post about it again, with more detail and less whining about how I am sick.

Yarr

So I Suck At Blogging

2008-07-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

Headline speaks for itself. Do you want to know what I've been up to? Well...

-Bought three books (Animal Farm, Arkham Asylum and Book of Longing)

-Saw Wall-E, Hellboy and Batman, none disappointing.

-Quit my job. Getting some sleep.

-Organized a trip to go see NIN, which occurs in two days (Hey, now you can find out where I am, non-existent curious reader!)

-Entertained cousins from both sides of family (still doing that)

I guess none of that is a good excuse to not blog, but really, and for the ad nausemeith time, NOBODY IS READING THIS.

I'm not blaming anyone, though. Most of the big posts I've planned for this thing have fallen through. We're gonna need to motivate the Captain.

That sounded dirty in a nautical sort of way.

Yarr.

Modern Guilt

2008-07-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hey, it's the new Beck album. Hey, it's just okay. For Beck, anyways.

There are good songs on there, but nothing that really jumps out and grabs the ear. The songs kind of offer the ear flowers, waiting for a response, like a shy teenager asking a girl out for the first time.

"Would you please listen to me?" the songs say, "I have a few little hooks here and there and I think we could have a good time."

And you will have a good time, but don't expect to go all the way with Modern Guilt on the first date.

This metaphor ran out before the review did. I've been awake for 13 minutes, I can get away with it.

Yarr

Tentacles, An Uncomfortable Amount of Them

2008-07-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

I bought that new Futurama movie, The Beast With A Billion Backs. I kind of forgot it was out until I went to the store to buy Beck's new CD (which is good, by the by) and saw it sitting next to it.

It's not great. It's not a pile of garbage, either, but the writers tried a little too hard to run with too many balls at once. The main story (the tentacle one) is the most interesting, but it's dragged down by subplot after subplot, none of which are very gripping compared to thousands of tentacles invading from another universe.

David Cross is very good as the monster, and the animation is of course excellent. The most enjoyment comes from just letting your eyeballs drink in the visual feast and the relentless series of jokes buried in the background.

Compared to Bender's Big Score (which was about a 7), this is a bit of a letdown, but movies are very much different than TV, and there will be missteps. It's hard to hate it, because of how endearing the characters are, and they still have two more movies to make up for it.

So buy it, I guess, even if just for the extras, which are pretty good.

Yarr

Prowresu

2008-07-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

I was planning a big post tonight, all about my adore-revile relationship with professional wrestling.

But then it started to get late, and for all shakes and arguments, I am just too tired. The whole topic is way too much of a mess to try and organize a coherent post this close to bedtime.

It's kind of how it's been this whole month. Too goddamn tired. My job screws with my sleep cycles and a guy like me really needs some sort of routine to keep his brain from jumping out of his head.

Change is needed.

Wrestling, though. I dare you to show me a decent Great Khali match. Double triple dog dare you with a cat on the side.

You won't be able to. Just give up now.

Yarr

Grimoire? Is That Some Kind Of Swamp?

2008-07-04T08:44:00.000-07:00

ACTUALLY, it's a kind of book. A magickal one.

Speaking of, I bought the new Final Fantasy Tactics (and a new DS to go with it, big spender, me). It's pretty fun, but since I played the first one so damn much, it took some getting used to. Also, I got my ass kicked quite a bit, but things are coming around again and my clan has started to function somewhat as a group. A group that needs a Green Mage to survive.

Just don't talk to me about my Ranger. He's thiiiiiiiis close...

Anyways, I've also been going to the gym this week, and it's pretty fun, actually. Some people just hate exercise, but I don't see it as a chore; I see it as a challenge. Can I bench more than 100 pounds today? (Yes, you read it right. I'm a skinny guy!)

And hey, remember my Theremin? I actually whipped it out a bit last weekend.

If you really really really need to scare a cat so badly it jumps into a wall trying to escape, buy a Moog Etherwave Theremin today!

A Million Miles Packed In Inches

2008-06-27T06:37:00.000-07:00

Recently I attended a large event, somewhat against my will, and pretty much everybody I knew was there.

Yes, it was one of THOSE. Opportunity for endless fun, right?

Well, I'm me.

I was standing in a line, sandwiched between most of the people who have ever mattered to me, and I was alone. I've never felt anything like it, never felt that kind of disconnect from so many familiar and often friendly faces.

Well, alone in the crowd is a common feeling, but alone in the PEERS? The event lasted pretty much the whole day and most of the night into the morning, and I could not shake the feeling that I was watching everybody else on television from a bunker fifty miles below the surface. Or on Titan.

It's frustrating to try to describe, and maybe the blog isn't the place psychoanalyze, but dammit, nobody over here is listening, and nobody on the internet is either, but the internet is invisible, and it stings a little more to see a face turn away than an empty comment box.

Aren't you glad I'm back?

Yarr

Happy Birthday to ME!

2008-06-21T13:07:00.001-07:00

Wooooooooo!

Sorry about the drought. I'll come around soon enough.

Yarr

Yeah Yeah

2008-06-12T21:26:00.001-07:00

It isn't that long, I know! I'm still really tired FROM NOT SLEEPING AT ALL.

I'm going to get right down to it when I've had some rest.

Yarr

The Next (Short) Part Of The Beginning

2008-06-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

"I hope so." he said. "I'm looking for a book."

The pages in the clerk's head stopped flipping for a split second. Of all the times he'd heard those words, those inane, stupid words, out of thousands of different mouths, they'd never once phased him even slightly. With this man, this man with his dim and helpless question that came out of his limping and helpless mouth, with this man his careful training stumbled upon itself .

He allowed himself an evil thought. What an asshole. Then the pages of the manual fluttered for his attention, and he was back.

"Well, I think I can help you there." The joke was a careful one, the playful sarcasm tuned such to soothe the the man's unease like a fussy baby in a crib being given a familiar blanket.

The man gave a nod.

A Bit Of Commentary On The Beginning, I Suppose

2008-06-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

So hey, I actually wrote something. It isn't great. It isn't MAGICAL. But it's something.

I have the next part of whatever this is pretty well thought up, and I'm going to post it sometime this week when I don't have to work (probably Thursday).

If anybody reads this post, ANYBODY, please comment. I guess if I wanted to be a comment-whore I'd go back to Lit.org but I'm really just looking for constructive criticism.

That's about it. I'm not going back to edit out the stuff that's bugging me about the beginning, because I would spend forever chopping and trimming that one little part and never get on with the rest of it. I'll be back, Beginning, so rest easy... for now.

Yarr

A Bit Of A Beginning, I Suppose

2008-06-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

The little bell above the door ding-a-linged, happily announcing that a customer had perhaps not entered the store, but had at least come to the milestone of opening the door. The bell made no distinction. The clerk finished scratching a letter into his crossword puzzle (the "R" in "Forestry") and looked up, his smooth face automatically stretching into the welcoming smile the store manual had instructed him to practice, ad nauseum, until any customer could be welcomed warmly like an old friend, the very second he or she set foot in the store. The manual compared this to heroes in old Westerns, who could shoot dead any outlaw faster than he could blink. The clerk, having no reason to not trust the manual, did his time in front the mirror in his bathroom until he, he felt, could make someone feel at home at a concentration camp. He expected the customer to return his end of the bargain, return his smile and be served without complication.

The customer hadn't noticed at all, and was instead nervously scanning left and right, pale eyes lingering on each carefully placed table and each precisely positioned tome upon them. If a book was on a table, said the store manual, and if it was a hard cover, it or its stack must be precisely three and a half inches on any side from any other book or stack of books. This gave a sense of neatness and order, and allowed the customer an uncluttered view. Paperbacks, however, could be stacked right next to each other. The manual offered no explanation for the difference, which put it out of the clerks mind. There were many more things to learn about, like what to do with books on shelves (there were two sections devoted to this), and what to do with customers who did this and that or had such and such demeanor. He examined his new arrival carefully, racking the remembered pages and piecing together a plan of action.

The examine was a shortish man, not a regular, mid-forties perhaps (could steer him to the WWII or True Crime sections?) and appeared well-to-do (Hobby and Lifestyle?). He scratched idly at his armpit, looked for somewhere to place his hands and settled on his pockets, where they lay uncomfortably. The look of worried searching that furrowed his high brow was, of course, familiar to the clerk. It meant one of two things; it could mean "I am looking for a birthday present and would like you to lead me to something expensive and bland", or it could be the dreaded "I have no idea why I came in here and will spend a half hour wandering around, messing things up, and leave without buying anything or saying a word."

Given the customer's silence, the clerk figured, with annoyance, that it was the latter. He decided to scuttle this chain of events (that would eventually have him out with a ruler, re-adjusting the books on the tables) before it could progress.

"Can I help you?" The words were like the ringing of the small bell above the door, charming, calming. The customer turned towards him, wiggled his nose slightly. His pale eyes searched the clerk's.

"I hope so." He said. "I'm looking for a book."

Never Was Much For Real Work

2008-06-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

For most of my brief life, I've wanted to write for a living.

I've never been really all that keen on other kinds of work. Physical labour makes me grumpy and office work makes me sick. God forbid I do any heavy lifting inside an office.

I made the mistake, though, of thinking writing for a living is easy. You have the talent, so you do it, said my brain, no big deal.

Yes big deal, Brain.

I can sit in front of a desk and rattle off a page of shitty poetry or craptacular prose easy enough, but even that requires a Herculean effort (see? Look at that cliche I just used! Shame!)

So I dunno. I guess if I can't be a writer, I'll have to settle for being the world's sexiest diamond smuggler.

If I must, I must.

Yarr

WHORE PRESENTS AND THE MOLESTING NURSERY

2008-06-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

http://easywebbers.com/2006/12/10/top-ten-worst-domain-names/

There are some other zingers there, too. Have a chuckle, readers!

Yarr

June!

2008-06-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

The month I was born! Not much else! It gets kind of hot!

Bo Diddley died, too. His beat will live on, the voodoo will throb in the booties of many for years to come.

Shave and a haircut, two bits. Listen for that rhythm around, you'll be surprised about how often it pops up. Panic In Detroit by David Bowie is a good example.

I always liked his square guitar, me and maybe one other guy I know. I always planned to get one made at some point, so maybe now I'll be motivated.

Money money money, of course.

Anyways, that's about it. Celebrate the history of American music by Torrenting some Bo Diddley and prepare to BOMP.

Tell me, honey, who do you love?

Yarr

Fuck It, Man, Just Fuck It

2008-05-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, I'm in a bad mood.

BAD MOOD BLOG POST ALERT

Actually, I'm not going to do the emo rant this time. Way too late at night for that.

Lucky you, invisible silent reader.

Anyways, a thought occurs to me. Since this is about the middle of the Great Blogger Desert, with not a reader for miles, I can say pretty much anything without retribution. It's my own angry corner of the internet and I can't plant whatever flag I want in peace. So here it goes.

Hitler was right!...

...handed.

Yarr

Holy Shit

2008-05-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

I am very very tired. Very very very very... ah, you get the point.

Anyways, I've been working, so not a lot of time to sit and think of stupid shit to blog about. Not anything anybody would want to READ, anyways... well, that sums up the whole blog... ah, forget about it.

Yes, this is a huge waste of my time and yours. WELCOME TO THE INTERNET, COME AND SHARE OUR TUBES.

Meanwhile, people leave this blog forever. It was nice knowing you, imaginary reader!

Yarr.

One More For The Road

2008-05-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

This is going to be the last one of these for a while. I've put you through enough.

The video itself actually starts about a third of the way in, just grab the button and scroll.

Yarr

No! Bad Internet! BAD!

2008-05-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

*weeps softly*

Bad Japanese Craziness.

2008-05-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

Good Christ in heaven.

This is hell.

In the Jungle.

2008-05-19T16:39:00.001-07:00

Hey folks. Just watching Planet Earth on rainforests and being scared shitless by parasitic fungi.

The mushroom... came OUT OF ITS HEAD!

Rainforests are pretty fucked up, man, but they're amazing places.

Case in point, the Red Crab Spider. Look it up.

That's about it for Monday. New House on tonight. Season finale. Yeah, not that interesting.

Oh well.

Yarr

We're Gonna Have a Gas!

2008-05-17T07:44:00.000-07:00

I had to fill up my car the other day (after about a month and a half, shows how much I drive), and the gas station might have been the most emotionally crosswired place I've ever been.

I just had this innate sense of dread standing there, pumping dirty, horrible gasoline into my terrible explosion-machine. Maybe it's because of the news, the global warming emergency, the price of oil or the gas fumes, but it seemed like everyone around me was a desperate emotional wreck, if only when they had to mosey on up to the pump.

I paid my fifty bucks(!) and left, and I'd never been so happy to be out of somewhere.

Best I can describe it... it felt like Altamont in there. A really great time devolving into something terrible.

Maybe it's just me.

Yarr

Jesus Fucking Christ

2008-05-15T16:44:00.001-07:00

It's been a month? A MONTH!? Christ Allmighty, where have I been?

Well, school, for one thing. But that's all wrapping up now. I actually forgot I had a blog for a while. It happens.

Anyways, I'm cooking up a new way of doing things around here, I might switch to daily updates just to keep the juices flowing. Just little rants and raves. That's what blogs are for, right?

Right?

Yarr

I Have a Life, You Know!

2008-04-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

I dunno why I feel guilty about not updating this so often, since nobody reads it. Dunno why I bother to WRITE it. Pride, I guess. Also, it's a cleansing thing.

Anyways, my life. I've been pretty sick and gave up on writing and exercising for the time being. I'm way behind on school and I need to pick it up.

One of these days, I'm gonna write something that will make me money. That's the point, isn't it?

Of life, I mean, not writing.

Anyways, I'll try to update this more often. The Smash Brothers Blawg is also going to go through a bit of a spurt.

Yarr

Woah!

2008-04-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

I still have a blog?

What's been going on in my life? I had a pretty good time in NYC, I've been playing videogames and slacking off at school. Typical.

In case you didn't know, I have a Smash Bros. Blawg up and... "running", I suppose. The articles take a long time to write and other excuses.

So that is that. Check it out.

Yarr

It's Been Awhile

2008-04-02T04:46:00.000-07:00

It really has, hasn't it?

But guess what? I'm in New York City! Woo!

So expect a big thing on that when I get back.

Yarr yarr

Dos Para Brawl

2008-03-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

More Characters! All of them, actually.

Ganondorf: I'm not as in sync with him as I was in Melee, but I can feel the old bastard in there. The Stomp still crushes souls and can be pulled out fast enough to avoid punishment.

Jigglypuff: I like her better now. Only Wario and Luigi can match her in the air, she can KILL things (by God, Martha, I swear it's true!) She has cool hats. She has it ALL.

Lucario: Eh. I like his special moves and his air game is okay. More damage=more power dynamic is neat, and he's sturdy enough to last that long. He's a less interesting Mewtwo.

Toon Link: Not garbage like his Real Boy counterpart. Good combo game. Fast.

Mr. Game and Watch: The only black man in the game returns beefed up! So much beef! He's lost the K.O-tastic Parachute but has gained more speed, power, range and recovery. Fear the Ebony Key of Death!

R.O.B: Pretty darn good. Up-air racks up damage and back-air kills and most everything else is good, save maybe his Side-B. R.O.B runs on love, so if you want to take him to the high ranks, you gotta WANT it.

Wolf: Waaaaaaay too good. Combos come as easy as you please, his range is almost stupid. Bad things? Terrible recovery and lackluster B moves. Chances are you won't need them. Wolf is a natural born killer.

I think that's everybody. I might go more in depth on my favorite characters as I get in more practice. Don't expect anything fast, however. I do have a life.

I swear it, Martha, I'm telling the truth.

Brawl Day Uno!

2008-03-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

Okay folks, here are some character lowdowns:

Mario: Plays more like Doc Mario in Melee, new down-B is kind of sucky, though I don't have a lot of experience using it.

DK: Exactly the same, lost some power off of his B move, Side-B is more useful, still has tons of spikes.

Diddy: I haven't played him yet, but my chums use him pretty effectively.

Luigi: So much better! He was my best in Melee and they made him better! Yes! Final Smash is... odd.

Olimar: Haven't used him enough to be any good with him, up-tilt is amazing, good character.

Link: I hate Link.

Marth: Same old asshole, less range maybe.

Ike: Everything he does will kill you, slow as a glacier, sounds like a bus exploding when he hits you.

Metaknight: Fast as all hell, can't kill anything until the high 100's, requires intense practice.

DeDeDe: My favorite newcomer so far. Powerful, good combos, my next main man after Luigi.

Kirby: Seems better, new dash attack is welcome.

Fox: Toned down a bit, still a nice character.

Falco: Changed a lot, less soul-destroyingly annoying, more unique. Talks funny, he's a Boid from Brooklyn.

Snake: Awesome. Blows everything up, air attacks are super powerful, needs practice.

Sonic: FAST. Hard to use. Needs practice, probably more than Snake. Kills at 170% on average.

Wario: Strange. Haven't played him much, seems to have a lot of advantages in the air.

Pokemon Trainer: Overall, excellent. Squirtle dominates the air, Ivysaur has rage and wicked power and... well, Charizard is my least favorite. Plenty good, but not great.

Ice Climbers: I like then even more now. Beware the terrible hammers of Killyou.

Pit: ANNOYING. Easy to kill, but good luck hitting him. Has a few good KO moves.

Captain Falcon: Plays a little more like Melee Ganondorf, which I like. Not garbage like the Tourneyfags whine, nothing to jizz yourself over.

Pikachu: A Death Machine. Every good move made better, every bad move made passable. Fear the rat.

Yoshi: Kind of the same, better recovery.

Zelda: Fantastic! I liked her before but she's a steamroller now. Din's Fire will screw you all over the place.

Sheik: Weakened quite a bit, which is good. Players of her from Melee will weep like little girls.

Samus: Still brings the pain, Up-B is back to being stupidly good and down-air is even better for spiking.

Zamus: Haven't played as her, but she looks pretty good (and I hear she plays fine, too!)

Lucas: Awesome! Everything explodes, shocks, freezes or burns. Big hitboxes. Up smash is a thing to be feared.

Ness: Better, but plays about the same. New engine suits him.

Peach: Seems the same, down smash noticeably weaker, new Exploding Ass attack.

Bowser: Kicks major ass. New Side-B is killer, his moves are faster... everything is better.

Those are all of the ones I've unlocked so far. I'll put the new ones up when I get them, plus some other opinions of mine.

And Now The Shocking Truth!

2008-03-10T16:40:00.000-07:00

I got Brawl, I am playing it.

I am exercising.

I am reading.

DUN DUN DUN

Fooled you, suckers!

Whew

2008-03-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

I need to get in shape, man.

I'm getting rather tired of being a skinny douche, you know?

Not much else to report, Theremin is hard, too tired to write. So brakes on the new blogs for now.

Oh yeah, Brawl comes out on Sunday. See you online with DeDeDe, suckers!

Yarr

Idle Threats

2008-03-01T23:32:00.000-08:00

I'd rather be hated than ignored. I'd rather be well known as a monster than unknown as a kind man.

Does that make me a bad person?

I think so. Shit. I can't even look in the mirror without sneering.

Maybe this will be the Nervous Breakdown Blog, maybe I'll put a tattered mind on parade for the leering masses, maybe maybe maybe I'm just making idle threats.

Maybe maybe maybe

Well, Shoot... and maybe some new Blogs!

2008-03-01T06:26:00.000-08:00

Has it really been more than a week? Dang. Well, I don't feel that bad about it since nobody reads this anyways.

This is a secret blog for secret things.

In any case, I may be starting up two new blogs to track two aspects of my life: learning the Theremin and writing a short story/novel. The second blog is kind of up in the air but the first one should be up this month (March? Why did you sneak up on me? You could have just said "Hi")

Probably gonna call it something clever, too! Isn't this exciting!?

Well, no, but if we all pretend it is...

Yarr

Thar She Blows!

2008-02-23T07:33:00.000-08:00

This blog gets it's name from my love of Moby Dick and my geographic location. It's layered, dawg.

Sadly, I have not finished reading the damn thing. I'm looking at the book right now, and the mark is only three quarters through. Why I stopped just at the exciting part... I couldn't tell you if you asked (and you didn't, because you aren't reading this).

After Moby Dick... I think I'll tackle Joyce next. This blog is probably gonna get a lot more disjointed after awhile... I have a tendency to think like the book I'm reading.

Theremin Update: I can hold a note steady for about four bars before my breathing knocks it out of whack. Progress!

An Asshole is the Wind

2008-02-20T05:59:00.000-08:00

It is motherfuckin' COLD here. Coming off of a nice mild streak makes it even worse.

My sunglasses froze to my face yesterday. I am not shitting you.

Also: People who live in America can now be spied on by their own government without any repercussions. You also cannot sue a telephone company that assisted the government in wiretapping back when it was illegal to do so.

Keep an eye out.

Yarr

Going Deep

2008-02-15T14:26:00.000-08:00

I actually don't have any news. I just don't like to have more than a week here without a post.

Worst blog ever? It's pretty close!

Yarr

Horrible Noises from Nowhere

2008-02-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

I got the theremin on Friday. Didn't need to build it as they sent me a whole one for the price of the kit (saved 50 bucks) by mistake. I'm not complaining, saves me a week trying to build the thing.

As for PLAYING it... dear God in Heaven, it's hard. I'm not classically trained, lack perfect pitch and generally possess none of the skills that would make learning how to play this thing any easier. For now, it's wailing horrible noise.

But I can see the places it can go, and that's a nice feeling.

Music From Nowhere

2008-02-07T05:57:00.000-08:00

I ordered a Theremin kit, finally. Should be here sometime in the middle of the month, might take a week to build... gonna take a lot longer than that to learn, I can tell you that much.

Heck, I might start a whole new blog just for it. Would that be fun? I think it would be.

On another note, February sucks. Captain Obvious saves the day, right? Dun dun da daaaa!

That's it for now.

Cap'n

I Was Dead For A Bit

2008-02-01T11:11:00.000-08:00

Yeah, haven't had much to say, so that explains the dearth of updates recently.

I'm thinking of buying a Theremin. Never heard one? YouTube it, they're fabulous little machines.

If I get the kit, this place will become a Building-a-Theremin blog for a bit. You two readers out there take note.

It's a me!

Vidja Games

2008-01-27T07:17:00.000-08:00

I love video games. Been playing them since I was a wee one, still whip out the old Super NES once in awhile to lose terribly at Super Ghouls and Ghosts, or bust shit up in Kirby Super Star.

New breeds of gamer have sprung up since those halcyon days of yesteryear.

The TourneyFag,

The WoW Dweller,

The Pro,

Video games have broken up marriages, driven people to madness, obsessed people to the point of death.

My once pearly-pure endeavor to get Mario past World 8 and kick Bowser's reptile ass into the lava have been subsumed into the world at large, given television channels and brand endorsements.

Things change, c'est la vie.

It's a me!

RIP

2008-01-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

So...

Heath Ledger is dead.

Crazy, huh? They think it's drugs.

He was 28.

I guess it's just a death, there are thousands of them a day.

Actors just seem to die a little better than most.

Yarr

Fuck you, Tennyson!

2008-01-20T16:14:00.000-08:00

I hate Alfred Tennyson.

Hate hate hate his romantic Victorian guts.

Fuck you, Tennyson. Burn in hell.

Worry? Me?

2008-01-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor yesterday. Been having dizzy spells. He told me it was stress and that I should relax.

He didn't mention my medication, which I've stopped taking because:

A) I didn't work
B) It gave me terrible heartburn
and
C) I don't need my brain crippled on drugs until I'm old

I guess Prozac helps some people, but it sure put me in a funk.

The mood swings and the anxiety are a small price to pay to experience things again.

Any of you imaginary readers out there care to share a tale of your Happy Pills, go ahead. Just keep it real; no I-cut-my-wrists-because-it-makes-me-feel-alive tales of woe. That's kid's stuff.

The Cap'n

Public Statement/Letterman

2008-01-19T06:52:00.000-08:00

I was locked out of my blog for a little bit, and had nothing really to post, so that explains the large gap since the last update.

Diane Keaton was on Letterman last night and it was probably the most awkward interview he's had since the show came back three weeks ago. I'm sure you can catch it on YouTube somewhere.

In Rainbows is out on CD and vinyl for all you cave dwellers. Anybody who knows a place to get it on the latter in Southwest Manitoba should let me know.

The Captain

Don't Get Any Big Ideas

2008-01-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm rather close to an important event in social development and I have no fucking idea what to do. I'm a little afraid.

On the other hand... well, I haven't looked at the other hand yet. We'll see what's there.

Here are my favourite words:

Fuck
Idiot
Aesthetic
Bayou
Hooligan
California
Diamond
Elephant (I like everything about elephants)

Yarr

Ahoy

2008-01-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

I had a nice little vacation and recharged the old batteries, in case you cared where I was. Considering there is no "you" to read this, it's kind of a wasted statement.

The internet is full of them.

Anyways, I'm back. I'll probably think up something better to do with this space than just post things that come to mind. Look forward to that, imaginary reader.

PC Nightmare Of Doom

2007-12-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

Happy/Merry Christmas/Ramadan/Hanukkah/Belathar Day!

Can't forget about Kwanzaa...

Or that other thing... the one with the elephant...

Yarr

Out And About In The Empty Places

2007-12-19T15:26:00.000-08:00

I was flying around the Universe in Celestia for awhile when I realized just how much I hate being stuck on this planet. I mean, we live on a beautiful rock alright, but sometimes it's just too much.

I wonder if that's why we want to go to Mars so badly. There isn't anything there, unless you have a real hardon for dust, so why invest all this money? Well, I guess it's somewhere we haven't been, and being as we are, we gotta go.

Or am I crazy?

P.S. I am aware that I promised a code. It's sitting somewhere in the house and I just might put it up on Christmas Break. There might be a prize for anyone who breaks it, and tells me how I made it.

Yarr

Fly YOURSELF To the Moon

2007-12-16T16:35:00.000-08:00

http://www.shatters.net/celestia/

Wheeeeee!

No, seriously.

Whee.

Check it out.

Yarr

Think About It

2007-12-13T20:33:00.000-08:00

If there isn't anything out there to grab ahold of, what do you do? What would you do if nobody tried to stop you going off the cliff? What would you learn? Would you still take the leap?

Think about it.

Yeah, About the Code...

2007-12-12T18:27:00.000-08:00

Took a little longer to make it than I thought. Might be up by the weekend. Also working on a track-by-track review of Low. Should be fun, right?

Yarr ayar.

Secret Agent Gibby

2007-12-10T17:18:00.001-08:00

Working on a little series of codes to test anybody who reads this godforsaken thing. First should be up either tomorrow or Hump Day. Used actual MATH to make it, too.

Who needs a life when you can make codes and then blog about it?

Yarr

Low

2007-12-05T16:04:00.000-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Low_%28album%29

Listened to this album on vinyl today and it blew my head up.

It's a triumph of atmosphere and texture, a masterpiece of mood and feeling. Melodies act more like brush strokes on a painting rather than as hooks, and they are all very simple, not saying much of anything but implying almost everything.

The arrangements and instrumentation would have crushed any lesser band into gimmickry, and I am amazed at how human this record is. There is frivolity and brooding and questioning and maybe some hope, for those looking for it. The album is the 20th century sound defined: vibrating electronic circuits mesh with doomsayer pianos and a mournful saxophone while huge hollow drums carve out a place for it all to live at nervous peace with itself.

You can read Wikipedia or take my word for it, but you need to HEAR Low to really understand it. Buy, listen to it, rewind it, listen again.

Everything Is a Lie

2007-12-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

Look down at your pants. Don't question it, just do it. Assuming you're wearing these "pants" of which I speak (unlikely), they more than likely have a zipper, so look at that next. Check the slider, you know, the thing that catches on your shirt and takes forever to untangle. It should have embossed letters on it. These letters, in all likelyhood, will say YKK.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YKK_Group

It says right there, largest zipper manufacturer in the world. Their products are near ubiquitous. They OWN the zipper. They CONTROL our pants.

This is dangerous. Very dangerous. Pants are important. Our brave fighting men and women would be rendered useless if YKK engineered a fastener shortage. Society would collapse, and we'd be at the mercy of these industrial warlords.

It's time to fight back.

Ah ha! Ah ha ha ha!

2007-11-27T14:28:00.000-08:00

Aha haha hahahahaha!

Ha haha ha ha ha! Ahaha hahaha ahaha!

Hahaha? Ahahaha!? Ahaha ha ha aha ha ha!

Ha!

Fun Facts from The World of Astronomy!

2007-11-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

Blame Super Mario Galaxy for this. Running around the universe as a pudgy Italian... it just makes me want to share. All I have to give my loyal readers (all none of you) is trivia... FROM SPACE...ACE...ace....

* Saturn would float if you placed it in water, but doing so would likely ruin the pool party.

* The Crab Nebula does not resemble either a crab nor pubic lice.

* Rotating the Earth opposite to its original direction would not cause time to reverse. It would instead fling everybody off of the planet into the cold, inhospitable void of space. YOU KILLED THEM, SUPERMAN, YOU KILLED THEM!

* If your momma took all the galaxies in the universe and ate them, she would be so fat she'd need a boomerang to put on her belt.

* The radiation from E.T's glowing finger rendered Elliot infertile.

* Yo momma so smelly yo daddy married her over the phone.

* If you multiplied regular love by the number of stars in the Milky Way Galaxy, you'd have roughly the equivalent of a pimp's love for his ho.

* Screaming "Khaaaaaan!" at random passerby will not earn you their respect.

* The events of 2001: A Space Odyssey actually happened.

* The Earth orbits around the Sun, in case this blog broadcasts back in time to 1340 A.D

Yarr

If It's Sticky and Brown, You're in Dilemma Town

2007-11-21T19:28:00.000-08:00

Ahoy.

Being new to the world of "blogging", I am readily confused as to what exactly I should post here. I know "anything" would be the correct answer to that question, but anything is not really an answer. It's an infinite amount of answers, and infinity is useless.

Being another screeching tone in the white noise of the internet does not appeal to me, either. I'd love to review candy and Lego, but... it's been done. TO DEATH. BLEH.

All two of you reading this won't give a fiddly fudge about it, which is more than likely in your best interest, but now you're here and, as far as you know, there is no going back.

I'll leave you now with the words of my father;

"Give me the remote, you little dunce, or I'll beat you over the head with it."

So wise.

Yarr.

Who is this man and why should I care?

2007-11-20T19:41:00.000-08:00

I guess the purpose of every one of these so called "web logs" (commonly known as "wolgs") is to document something, be it political dissent in the Ukraine or one man's utter contempt for Elmer's Glue (or should that be... UDDER contempt?) Whatever the subject, whatever little facet of life someone has decided to dedicate a scant/reasonable/laughably pathetic amount of time to chronicling in painful detail... if you can think of a way to end that sentence, drop a comment, and maybe, God willing, that will actually happen.

I mean, I'm being very hopeful to believe that someone will drink enough Wild Turkey to stumble across this blog, give enough of a rat's tookus to spend eight seconds attempting to finish that sentence and have the motor skills to type it in the comment box. The fact that the (unlikely) result will be something about me being a "fagatini" is of little comfort.

Getting around to the point (?) I was making (!?), what's this blog about? The short answer is "nothing". The long answer is "not a thing". Like 99.999999999(huff)999% of blogs on the Internet, mine is about whatever I feel like writing about. It won't be earth-shaking, it won't be clever, it sure as skunk won't be relevant (God forbid). It'll just be a bunch of words placed in a certain order, with punctuation thrown in for good measure.

So if you've read this (you haven't) and if you're interested enough to come back (you aren't), be prepared for something... something... adjective-ey.

Avast